Rant (funny)

[Arithus]

This is just a rant i saw on a forum i frequent and i found it rather amusing hope you all enjoy

Ok, before I start my rant, let it be known that I'm an old hippy, both in appearance and attitude.
I don't get on too well with authority figures, I never have and I never will.
I can't abide jobsworths, officiousness, most politicians, the Government, traffic cops, misplaced political correctness, organised religion, evangelistic environmentalists, speed cameras, etc, etc, but the thing which hacks me off more than anything, is this nanny state which we all appear to reside in these days, the most visible evidence of which being the deluge of 'public information' advertisments that infect our tv screens and radio waves ad infinitum.

Fire Kills - well knock me down with a feather, I never realised that.
This is the sound of a child being hit at 40mph - no it bloody isn't, it's a sound effect, or did you actually mow down a child to make the recording?
Know your limits - usually when I throw up or run out of cash.
Don't undercook the Christmas turkey - why not? it may be the only way to get rid of the relations early.
Don't carry a knife - you might fall arse over tit and pierce your nut sack.
There's no way out... for vehicle tax evaders - crush my effin' car Sonny Jim and I'll be forced to dig out that assault rifle I've got stashed away in the attic.

Not forgetting, don't drop your chewing gum, pay your TV licence, apply sun screen, reduce your carbon footprint, don't shag anyone or you'll get every STD on the planet, kill your speed, don't clog up your arteries with lard, don't curb crawl, tax doesn't have to be taxing, drive smoothly , you wouldn't start a night like this so why end it that way? benefit thieves - we're closing in, don't make them breathe your smoke (unless of course they've specifically asked you for a blow back) and so it goes on and on and on.

What the hell is it all for? anyone with two functioning brain cells knows this stuff already and if they choose to ignore the knowledge they possess, then that's exactly what it is, their choice - added to which, the Government spends approximately 334 million pounds a year on this crap....334 million pounds of our money.

But the campaign that has really tipped me over the edge, the one that see me screaming at the radio, the TV, the banner ads on Ebay etc, is this ridiculous F.A.S.T. campaign, the one that informs the public what to do if someone next to them collapses on the deck looking decidedly less than chipper.

Of course, I can't speak for you lot but my first instinct would be to phone for an ambulance, it's a bit of an old fashioned reaction I know, yet one which has been moderately efficacious over the years but oh no....what I now have to do is check their Face, has it gone all droopy on one side? hard to tell really, what did they look like before they fell over? can they smile? Jesus wept, what are the chances that someone lying on the floor facing imminent death would even feel like smiling at that particular moment? I know if I were in that position and some daft **** asked me such an inane question, I'd probably kick them in the shin, that's if my legs still worked of course. Arms, can they raise both arms and keep them there? Ok then, so you've got this geezer lying prostrate on the ground and you ask him to put both of his arms up, the poor bast*rd wouldn't know if he was being helped, arrested or mugged, plus, what if he can raise one arm and not the other, has he had half a stroke? and just what exactly quantifies 'keeping them there?' 10 seconds? a minute? an hour and a half? it's all waaay too vague for me. Speech, is their speech slurred? well, depending on the time of day of course, most of the people I know would have slurred speech before they keeled over but my friends drinking habits aside, I'm willing to bet a large amount of cash that the only thing your supine sufferer would like to tell you, slurred or otherwise would be - "get me a f*cking ambulance, you f*cking procrastinating retard". Time, the faster you act, the more of the person you save, which brings me back to my original point i.e.that people don't normally collapse willy-nilly for the good of their own health, no, as a general rule of thumb it means that they are feeling slighly more than a tad under the weather and might benefit from some professional help ASAP. I therefore respectfully suggest that if someone in your immediate proximity, for no apparent reason, suddenly succumbs to the power of gravity, rather than put them through the ***pton Factor for horizontal people, you should act F.A.S.T. i.e. Fetch an Ambulance you Stupid Tosser.

But Shirley 99.99999'% of the population know this anyway? which begs the question what is this advertisment's hidden agenda?

I'll tell you what I believe it's subliminal message is. The F.A.S.T campaign, just like all the other Government (you and I) funded campaigns are designed solely to keep us living in a state of fear. They purport to inform and enhance our lives when really all they do is remind us of our own mortality, that we are fragile, that we need protecting and that we are incapable of making fundamental decisions on our own, the benefit of this being, that we won't kick up a fuss about stuff, we won't object to having the **** taken out of us constantly, we won't think for ourselves, we will be well behaved little citizens because after all, Nanny knows best.

In short - a scared population is an obedient population - in my more conspiratorial moments, I really do think it runs as deep as that.

Rant over

[Lone]

what can i say - That was great ^.^

[Arithus]

lol lone it tickles me every time i read it , they guy always has something constructive to say !

[Cronus]

lol nice

[Ryu]

lol good read

I can agree with some of it aswell.....

[o Lethal o]

not funny